I can’t do this again, I am so afraid!! I am afraid to open my heart like this, yet I’m starting to feel, heal. I can feel my heart beating inside of my chest. I am no longer cold and numb. It terrifies me. I feel warmth and my heart is so full, as I think about the love I have for others. Love. Real, pure love. How did this happen, how did they break through my walls, make it past my defenses, how did they get so deep inside my heart. I thought no one would ever be able to reach me there again. I thought I would remain void and empty, but now I feel, I feel so deeply. I am loved, and I love.
People may not understand my wrestling, they may not comprehend what I have seen. They may not know what it is like walking a mile in my shoes. They don’t know of the losses, the instability, or the lack of nurture. They don’t understand the painful agony of being stripped from the ones you’ve grown to know, and having to start over. Perhaps they don’t know what it feels like to have what is meant to be love, leave you in shattered pieces. Yet I know, I’ve lost so much already, and now I am being called to trust that this time my story will be different. That love will prove itself faithful.
I am terrified, but I cannot deny the fact that something is awakening inside of me, that perhaps I have never known possible. I have people who look at me with eyes of joy. This community speaks to me, as if I have value and worth. They build me up, and tell me the amazing things they see in me. They treat my children like they are gifts not a burden. I find myself, falling in line with their example. All I want to do is encourage others, show love to the community around me, and build my fellow mothers up.
This love that is shown, makes me feel like I can have Hope, as if I can breathe, as if I too can go out and make something of my life. The love here at Acres of Hope is so powerful. Maybe it’s time. Perhaps this go around will be different. I know I have lost so much already, yet this time, I feel like there is so much to gain. Perhaps my new life and beginning starts here. Already the numbness I use to know, I have forgotten what it feels like, because I feel so much love and compassion. More than anything else, I feel like I can open my heart to trust.
I know I have lost so much already, but now I have hope, and I can see, me and my children have so much to gain.
You can be a part of changing the story of the women and children at Acres of Hope
To get involved today:
Visit:acresofhopeonline.org or Call:530-878-8030